yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
