So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
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