I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
