filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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