The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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