Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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