I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize