If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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