i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
