I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
