Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
