oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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