i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Randomize