i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize