My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
