This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
