He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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