Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
