I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
