We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
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