i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
