You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
