Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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