So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
