i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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