So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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