youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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