Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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