oh god the rape fog is back!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
