do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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