Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
