I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
being pregnant is like rehab
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
