I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i used baking grease as lip gloss
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
