Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
