You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
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