the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
foreskin is a definite game changer
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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