i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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