were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
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I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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