never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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