You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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