You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
