if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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