One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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