I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
