Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
