We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
