I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
