You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
