Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
