you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
