we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
