i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
