I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
