you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
