Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
