Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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