6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
