Michael Bay diarrhea
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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