I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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