But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
