when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
handjob tips. give me some.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
