omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
