shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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