ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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