i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
