Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
