Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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