I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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