I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
