I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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