hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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