WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
