i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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