I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize