Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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