i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
