Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
