Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
What a dumb baby whore.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
