I wish life had little blips of pornography
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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