if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
A+ Viking dick
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